i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
