Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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