i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
