the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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