the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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