Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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