so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
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