i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I need to sanitize my soul.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
