I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
