I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
