Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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