remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
