it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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