Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
