i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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