Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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