The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
