woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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