Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
