sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
