Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We are all done wearing pants today
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