M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
