OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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