Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
