How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
