omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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