Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
