Jerry, you need to find god
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
