why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
