Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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