remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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