Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
