i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
