your parents love me but you hate me
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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