Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Randomize
