The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Randomize
