I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
