dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
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