I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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