Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
