I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
