I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
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