I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I could fuck to npr.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
