he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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