I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
