That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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