Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
