Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
