I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
