she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
