Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
