I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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