paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Randomize
