Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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