There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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