I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
