how can u be prego again
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
