I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
handjob tips. give me some.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize