It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
