i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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