love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
