I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
