john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
