she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
