saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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