True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
They took my balls.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
