please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
