You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
