Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Randomize
