we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She's the barista slut.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
