My room smells like vodka and shame
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
