I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
