Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
