Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
