I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
