Why are handjobs necessary in class?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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