apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Randomize
