my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
