I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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