the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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